A Call for Compassion

As a family therapist I find myself looking people in the face that have had to deal with intolerance on many levels, and over the years I have found my views on feminism, LGBTQ (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgendered, Queer) population, immigration and other issues have become much more nuanced than in the first 1/2 of my Mormon adult life. It's difficult to talk to people about it, though. I enjoy a civil, educated, even passionate discussion. However, I find it disturbing when people feel they know God's mind on topics like this as if it all aspects of the subject were sewn up in a nice little easy-to-digest package.  Consequently, discussion usually holds little promise for a satisfactory conclusion. It doesn't matter which "side" people are on; most seem to feel they hold the moral high ground and are on their guard lest they be 'influenced.'

The LDS church (my church) seems to have softened somewhat on perceptions and treatment of the LGBTQ population; previously black/white attitudes led to the belief that simply having feelings or same-sex attraction was in itself a sin, and worthy of condemnation. I feel that this view was based on unproven, unexplored assumptions that shut the door on a lot of people through the years. We have a shameful history of treating people with same-sex attraction as if they were "broken" entirely, and some of the "aversion" therapy that has been perpetrated on "patients" in the past has been simply barbaric. In recent years, I have observed that LDS church leadership seems to acknowledge that same-gender-attracted people have not sprouted horns; rather that they are God's children who are in a predicament if they want to comply with established doctrines on sexual behavior.  

However, love and compassion for my LGBTQ brothers and sisters is one thing; actively endorsing the disobedience of ancient and modern-day commandments regarding sexual behavior is another. I've settled on my position after much soul-searching and prayer (so it's MY answer, not necessarily anyone else's). As far as my voting and advocating efforts are concerned, I cannot support same-gender marriage because it is an implied endorsement of same-gender sexual relations. Period. It's in the religious and social contract of marriage. That being said, I have to acknowledge that I live in a world where same-gendered attraction, sexual relations, marriages and domestic partnerships exist, and wishing and hoping everybody believes the same way I do won't solve any problems or alleviate any suffering.  I think that gay couples who have chosen a domestic partnership should have similar financial benefits as married couples, such as retirement and insurance beneficiary status. That's just money and security, that makes sense when people have pooled their resources and live in the same household and have invested years into each other. Additionally, many same-gendered couples would be MUCH better parents than some of the foster homes I've encountered; there are entirely too many "hard to adopt" kids in the foster system that could use a clean, calm, stable household for us to be real picky on the matter.

If asked my opinion, I would say to ANY unmarried person of either (or any) gender, i.e. "You don't always have to act on your sexual feelings; school your thoughts, carry your cross, don't cave to the natural man. Sexuality is not the end-all be-all of this existence." But, easy for me to say. Any comparison of the situation of an LGBTQ person to a unmarried heterosexual person ultimately fails; unlike unmarried faithful sisters (for example) who have been given promises and assurances of an enduring relationship and motherhood in the next life, according to LDS doctrine the LGBTQ faithful member has no hope of acting on their sexual or intimacy preferences in this life or the next, and so must hope for some sort of miraculous relief in the great hereafter. Surely this warrants our prayers, compassion and support, rather than our condemnation.