Going through the "Change"

There is some debate in the medical community over the concept of "Andropause;" the idea that the male of the species also goes through a type of "Change" in midlife, similar to the female's menopause. For the ladies, this phase marks the end of the "curse" but the beginning of hot flashes, mood swings, and other happy signs of entering a new stage of life. For the male, apparently testosterone levels begin to decline which leads to lower energy levels, lower libido, depression, etc.

I'm not admitting anything, per se, but I swear there is other stuff that comes with the "change." Some of my own observations in, um, males I've seen or heard about:

*Hair. New hair. Longer hair. Different hair. Gray hairs I can live with (it makes us males seem wise and distinguished, sorry ladies), but what in the life cycle or evolutionary process explains the need for additional back, ear, nose hair? Why do arm hairs spontaneously thicken and lengthen in a non-uniform manner? Is the body anticipating less activity and thus the need for additional insulation from the cold? Does the autoimmune system start breaking down, necessitating additional filtering in the nasal passage and ear canal? Or maybe it's a development related to the female, since the invention of marriage. It's possible that over the years the human body has learned that as retirement looms, more time will be spent with the mate and new interactive hobbies such as grooming and plucking are necessary to fill the extra time. It's a promising theory.

*Moles and other assorted spots and/or discolorations. Single, isolated big pores. The need for doctors to "monitor" certain growths. Basically skin issues. I'm assuming that some of this has to do with the body beginning to fail in its ability to monitor, repair, dispose of, and replace the millions of little cell mutations that occur in the face of the harsh conditions of life. But again, perhaps the larger purpose is to give wives another bonding activity during those difficult middle years, i.e., "Oo! Look at that? Is it a blackhead, or what? Let me try to get something out of it!" It's annoying. (or must be, for those going through it)

*Hearing problems. This one I'll own. I was never a rocker. I didn't frequent the discotheque. I was too poor to buy a fancy stereo with big speakers or headphones. I've never had a bass "thumper" in my car. So why do I have such a problem hearing anything you're saying if there's any background noise at all? This may become a bigger problem down the road, considering I Listen to people for a living... Right now it's only a problem if they're soft talkers and a co-worker decides to turn on the heat or air conditioning. Clients wonder what my body language is saying as I lean closer and closer trying to capture what they're expressing. You can only use the old stand-by's "Say more about that" and "uh-huh" so many times before they figure out you have no idea what they're talking about...

*Memory Loss. Why can't I remember anyone's name longer than the 1.2 seconds it takes it to pass through my ears, into my brain, and then out into the stratosphere? Oh, whups, maybe that's not an Andropause thing--I think I've always been like that. Mom & Dad say it's a family trait, and it can create embarrassing moments when people associate it with "not paying attention" or "not caring about them." How many times on my mission or while home teaching did I have to pause in a prayer with a family, stuttering through something like, "Lord, please bless...this family, and especially.......the youngest one...and...uh...his mom..." Not to mention all the reunions I've been to for the last few years-- "Hey...you!!!" Luckily most of the time people have name tags on for those things--would it be too much to ask for everyone in my life to remember to wear a name tag when they're around me? We'll start with church associates and clients and as the years go on, add inner circle people like family members. Definitely grandkids.

Hey wait--maybe it's not so bad. I can start blaming stuff on the Andropause now! "Oh sorry, it's the Andropause talking," or "Darn that diminished testosterone!" I've always made allowances for older folks and their lessening capacities and odd appearances, smells, etc., so when can I start tapping into that compassion?